Things I Thought were Normal but might Actually Be Unresolved Trauma

Do these describe you, too?

I was definitely kidding myself.

I thought some of my habits and behaviors were endearing quirks—things that made me who I am.

I didn’t want to think they might be deeper, unresolved trauma that I hadn’t dealt with yet.

It’s funny (and a little sad) how long we can think our struggles are just part of life, not something that could be understood or even improved.

Here’s a glimpse at some of the things I thought were “just me” but are actually signs of baggage I’ve been carrying for too long. See if you find yourself doing some of these:

• Interrupting people or finishing their sentences, because I’m thinking faster than they’re speaking.
  I like to think I am just quick-witted, but really, it’s anxiety bubbling up. My brain is racing ahead, attempting to predict everything, and I get impatient. Unfortunately, it’s not cleverness; it’s a need to control conversations because I’m uncomfortable with waiting.

• Easily distracted when I find a task boring.
  I tell myself that everyone zones out during dull tasks or when they’re tired at work in the afternoons, but despite my reassurances (to myself), it’s avoidance. My brain decides that anything is better than facing something tedious or pointless. It’s like my mind is constantly on the lookout for an escape hatch.

• Skin picking or nail biting.
  I do this more than I care to admit. It’s just plain embarrassing to think about. But I realize it’s a response to stress or anxiety—my body’s way of channeling all the tension I’m not consciously dealing with.

• Shaking my legs, clicking a pen, fiddling with something in my hand, or other annoying, repetitive behaviors.
  I watch my sons fidget, and I realize it’s not only them. I do it too. It’s a physical way to release nervous energy. My body needs movement, probably because my mind is too busy in the background with restless thoughts.

• Leaving things I’m uninterested in until the last minute - and then cramming everything in within a short timeframe because I think I work better under pressure (I don’t).
  I convince myself that I thrive in high-pressure situations, but really, I’m just procrastinating because I can’t muster the energy to care about tasks that don’t interest me. Then I panic and rush through them, telling myself I’m being “efficient,” when I’m really just stressed out.

• My house (car, office) is a mess.
  I thought everyone had trouble keeping their homes or offices organized, but for me, it’s not laziness. Clutter around me is a sign of clutter inside my head—when life feels chaotic, my space does too.

• Perpetually late or freaking out if I am late.
  I am an early bird, and I put way too much pressure on myself to get there with minutes to spare. Others in my family are usually running late - which makes it even more tense. The constant stress around timing is a symptom of deeper anxiety.

• Not able to focus on work.
  I’m a morning person, and I push hard in the first half of the day when I feel fresh. By 3:00 p.m., I’m getting tired. My mind drifts, and I struggle to stay engaged, especially when I don’t find the task meaningful. I get up, take a walk, get a drink, or talk to a co-worker if I’m onsite. When I reflect back, some days I wasn’t productive at all after 3:00 p.m.

Finding the motivation to change any of this can be tough. Even when I do find the courage to start, I often feel like I’m failing. It’s exhausting, but I guess recognizing these things is the first step, right?

Which of these do you resonate with? Which of these have you already mastered and can help a girl out?